I’m sitting in row 3 seat A in coach 10 to Seville San Justa. I’ll arrive after 10pm and probably take a taxi to the apartment where I will finally arrive in the apartment I have paid for. I will only be here 10 days now as opposed to the 5 weeks I was originally intended to have. But, that is life, is it not? It never goes as planned, but intentions are enough and fate/destiny/god’s will takes over.
It’s amazing to see what is Spanish culture, human culture, European culture and compare it all to the different places I have been. A lot of the things I LOVE about Paris are here. In Madrid. Who knew? The city, archicture, café life, mode of transportation. People are friendlier here. In every way. Paris is still special. Still unique. Still paris. But.. wow. Spain you have taken me by surprise.
I am glad to have had time here post FF. I can see him for what he really is and not just a Spaniard. And well.. I’m disappointed. All the things I loved were Spanish. Not him. Ok, maybe a little him. Spending time with Juan was so great. He too, is not what I expected. I … don’t even know what to say. If I was moving here maybe. But I really do not want to do long distance again. So I am resisting. And enjoying it for what it is. But that is so hard to do. And, I feel like I have already broken his heart. But he is coming to Sevilla this weekend to see me. So.. until then. :)
The moment I knew I loved Spain… When I was sitting in a park listening to live music on Sunday morning. This, you will not find in France. At least not by French people anyway. This was a people who were real. And I love it.
Today I woke up late after another bout with jet lag. I woke up and packed the rest of my things. Juan told me to go to Taberna La Daniela and have Cocido Madrileno. It reminded me of corn beef and cabbage that my grandmother makes for St Patty’s day. It started off with a broth soup and with what looked like spaghetti noodles. The next course is boiled veggies – carrots, cabbage, potatoes and chickpeas with and an assortment of boiled meats. Fish, pork, beef, chicken and bone marrow. It was enough to feed probably 4 people. I also had a beer and finished it off with a café con leche. The waiter brought me over a sweet dulce liquor for aperitivo. Esta perfecto.
I then walked through Retiro again because the sun was out and I know the fall leave will not be there next time I return. It is just gorgeous. I had a beer at the top of Palacio de Cebeles – the same block I was dropped off at via the bus when I first arrived. I watched the sunset behind the Metropoli building and then hoofed it back to my apartment where Juan was meeting me to take me to the train station. We had another beer in the same bar we had been in the day before. The waitresses recognized us and we all had a laugh. It was my turn to catch the train and we said our good byes. I gave him the hand written thank you card on my stationary. It was like I gave him a billion dollars. Another kiss good bye.. ok, maybe 5 or 6. :)
Processing –
What I had with FF was real. We were smitten and enchanted by each other. Perhaps not the same reasons, at the same time. Isn’t that always how it is though? When I said good bye in July it was over. It just took awhile.. It’s so easy (and so much harder) when it is the idea of someone.. and not really someone in the flesh.. I do know one thing though. I like the assholes. UGH. I respond to how they treat me badly. I become needy and desperate and willing to overlook so much. I don’t want to be this way anymore. I want to be in a kind levelheaded loving relationship. Where I am me. Where I am free and can hold my head high and not be sad and needy. Please, please let it be…
