“There may be more beautiful times, but this one is ours.” – JeanPaul Sartre
Serendipity. It could be the word that describes the theme of my life.
It’s Tuesday afternoon and I have a cup of tea at my right, the sound of the wind and a view of parisian rooftops out the window. I’ve moved in with my friend Amel for the rest of my time here. I honestly thought I would be going home about now, but I am grateful beyond words that my time here is yet over thanks to the kindness and hospitality of friends.
The last 5 days have been.. busy, emotional and rainy.
Thursday night was Paris lit up and one girl wrote a piece that moved me in a way I could not shake for days. Friday was a meet up at a bar, which was entertaining, but over all not the sort of scene I prefer in attempts to meet good people. (I did get a date out of it for next Thursday though!)
Saturday was errand running, photo shoots with the guys for their CV’s and a lovely walk through the Marais with Amel that ended with an apero at Merci cafe. The night wasn’t over yet though. Wine and cheese and Bretsy’s with a few familiar and new faces. For some reason the topics were hot that evening and I think at one point or another someone was offended. At the last moment I realized the time and booked it to the Metro. Last minute decisions turned out to not be in my favor and my best intention of catching my connecting train was missed and so I walked home at 2:30am through Paris. Luckily the weather was mild and there was no rain. I needed the walk to help blow of the steam of my boiling emotions I felt and so it all worked out best in the end.
Sunday was a literary workshop on James Joyce which I surprisingly enjoyed. Afterwards I walked the Marais with friends. Falafal, eclairs and cappuccinos. Conversations, non conversations and just enjoying the company of someone without words.
A lot of conversation about what is is to be alone, lonely, single, independent, self reliant. The satisfaction of those things and also the disappointment of expectations with ourselves and also others.
For sure I feel those things, sometimes stronger in one moment versus the next. I know if I wanted a simple life, with a home and a man I could “settle” and have it right away. But I know that I want more than that. I desire to create, to explore the world and myself and really push myself until I maybe cannot take anymore. So for now, I will keep going. Embracing the alone, the single and the loneliness… the adventure of those things. Some of my favorite, funniest or most amazing stories have come from being in these moments…. So give me more, life. Give me more.
