… is weird.
People are weird.
I, am weird.
After a long stand off of resisting distraction and perhaps just the needed reprieve ( or it may have been the back to back halmark movies)… I went online.
I liked my “about me”. Witty, soulful, honest. Just enough photos. Just the right key words. For 4 weeks I would get on as I fall to sleep and read the messages sent to me. Some simple like a “hello” or “how is your day?”, others would be socially awkward, too honest, or just wanting me to be the monkey that sings and dances and entertains them. These people find me based off of things that make their list or just my photo. I was spurred to respond a few times but didn’t.. too many factors of what I am looking for versus how I’m actually living and how that can actually be supported. But really.. my profile said I was in Oakland and I.. am in Rocklin. Any actual attempt to “date” would prove to take all the effort on my part at the current stage. So I would just read the messages, be entertained or not.. and go to sleep.
Until one night.. ::Enter in:: Mapman Chontgomery (whose name has been changed for the sake of internet key word searches).
First of all – who parks in the tenderloin?
Enter in :Dyle Kavis – the fun loving gentleman.
Arrives with his own turquoise blue hand thrown clay mug. My anxiety had the best of me by the time he arrived and all I could do was giggle awkwardly as i uttered “nice to meet you”.
I was glad I decided on the flats.. despite his photos of seemingly tallishness, I would have been taller in my normal boots.
I just have to write this – for the sake of having it written. If in one day, one week, one month, or ones year’s time I look back and think of the utter ridiculousness of my naivete of this moment, it is worth mentioning because it is the sunshine after the rain, the feeling of empty peace after a hard cry, the reprieve. It is hope. It is the smile. It is the affirming hug that I am not lost, not crazy, not alone. For when a connection is there, it is undoubtedly there. It is the conversation you don’t want to end, the curiosity/mystery and giddiness of having for that moment been shown your own reflection by another.
Whether or not to trust it, whether or not to allow it — those are the cautious questions we close our eyes as we utter them quietly to ourselves.
I had coffee with a boy that made me smile. He treated me like a lady, he gave me the gift of undiscovered Music/Books/New Destinations, and only asked for my most genuine self in return. Even if it was not what he was looking for he gave it back to me in one piece.
How refreshing it is to meet someone like this.
In our simple interaction my life has been enriched.
