I arrived without pomp and circumstance. Without an extra thought really. There was no elated high upon touchdown. No extra giggle when my passport was stamped.
I hadn’t slept on the plane and i spent the whole time thinking about Kyle.
This is why i had decided not to date while home. I didnt want a guy to influence my time here. This is my time.. Paris is my space and home. But, I am so grateful for meeting Kyle. I’ll let retrospect have what it may in 6 weeks.
I fell to sleep with this image of a Paris monster devouring little men aka the relationships i’ve sacrificed in order to pursue this crazy idea of a life here. While it is true.. Those men also chose to not pursue despite the challenge of time and distance.
I regret nothing.
I woke up sad. Sad to be here and wishing I could have had another two weeks in California with Kyle. I was upset with myself for being here when here no longer has a future.
I knew i needed an attitude adjustment. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Im in fucking Paris – my favorite city in the world. It may be my last time here this year.. I needed to snap out of this.
Thankfully i have amazing people in my life who can point me in the right direction. A short convo with Jnsa did the trick and once again my heart is full and grateful.
For now, I am here. Time to be present.
I’ve been granted 6 weeks in this amazing city. A year full of work and adventures about to unfold. Sweet, kind and lovely people to call my friends. On Sunday I brunch with my girlfriends (14 in attendence) with whom i have been lucky to get to know these last 2+ years.
This is my life?!
Xo
