For the life of me I cannot sleep tonight. Maybe too many thoughts swirling in my brain. Maybe the coffee I had a 5pm. Womp womp.
Convos yesterday about sex and dating and the internet dating age. Why am I so lucky to be dating at this time in the world?! *sarcasm* For someone that is learning how to do it as a grown adult and then there are the extra challenges of social abnormalities that are now the norm of this modern age. Great.
I attended a bbq for labor day at a place in the mission. I arrived with my talented lovely high school art teacher single girl friend to a house full of guys who have great jobs, their own places, are in the prime of their life and all single. Basic conversations were somehow awkward and or strained. There was no effort made by any of the guys to “get to know her” – Inquiries or conversation of any sort. It’s so much easier to pick out your date on an app based on a photo then it is to try and engage a girl emotionally in person. What is this world I live in?
I am nowhere near being perfect and or ready to contribute to a relationship in a positive and uplifting way. I see too much the crazy/sad being I am. Maybe a decent guy would encourage the right and positive thoughts emotions instead of the self conscience self loathing ones I feel after a “date”. It is possible.. but not in the world I see before me and that I am currently living. How far can this downward spiral last in our society? We shall see.
Things that have been said to me:
” maybe you should consider dating someone less good looking ”
” maybe you should consider that you need to stay still in order to date someone ”
Basic rules for dating –
You’re supposed to wait for the guy to text you, ask you out, make a move, continue to pursue you. At any moment that you take this initiative into your own hands, respond to eagerly or too quickly or even at all… its over.
I honestly wish I could completely block it out of my mind and thought process. Focus my time and energy on something so much more lucrative. Which God or universe do I have to ask to remove this from my being?
