Vietnam –
So incredibly overwhelmed.
Maybe because I chose a hostel in the old quarter as my beginning point. Like all touristic traps it’s a cluster fuck of people / Tourists plus those catering to the tourists. Not at all a glimpse of what is the real version of the culture.
I dumped my stuff on my bunk and after greeting the gals in my room I decided to check out the city. The roads are packed with people, buses, motos motos motos motos motos. In reality I probably walked less than a quarter of a mile… And it took me almost an hour to do so. I was starving and still unsure how to maneuver through the chaos so I ducked in a small shop and ordered a banh mi sandwich. I munched and peeked out the door as I did, almost is if to see it transform into a rhythm that made sense or that all of a sudden it had calmed down. I walked again around the area and since the blocks all felt the same I decided to head back to the hostel to get a map. I saw a two story bar with a balcony on my way and abandoned the idea of walking around until I had daylight to assist me and proceeded to pop in to claim my quiet perch with a view and a promise of beer. My seat was everything I hoped for and I found I wasn’t the only one that had the idea. I made a joke and unashamedly announced i was hiding to the tall Irish guy that looked like Clark Kent. He passed no judgement as he smoked his cigarette and gave me a smile. An hour, a beer and long conversation later I say good bye and laughing to myself. I’ll see him in the morning as he’s offered to drive me around the city on his moto to see the sights.
I share another beer with other internationals staying at the hostel. I’m amazed at how many of them have been traveling for months and months (or years) on end. Some teaching English, some just living on daddy’s dime. As much as I have in common with their wanderlust I also don’t. I do desire home and the challenge of making it in life. Most of these kids are just floating. I wonder how long they can last this way. I say that in both admiration/envy and judgement. I desire more than their version of life.
I roll out of bed the next morning and grab my cameras (iPhone/Om-d/polaroid). I know I need to “just walk” and explore before I loose my edge and get overwhelmed again, and so I set out. The old quarter is quite large and it reminds me of the medinas in Morocco. Busy, chaotic and everyone wanting to make money off of you.
I see two local girls in a coffee shop and I pop over to attempt to order a coffee. it takes three people to figure out what I’m ordering and we all share smiles and awkward laughs in the process. I get an iced coffee and it is great. I take in the morning chaos and a new girl shows up and greats me in english with a “good morning and how are you?” before long I am answering questions that she is translating for the other girls, “how old am I, am I married/boyfriend? traveling alone? what do I do back in California? ” I think she only understands half of what I say but we are smiling and laughing all the while. I bring out my polaroid and offer to take a photo of them and they happily oblige. Their smiles are huge as the photo develops in their hand and they pass it all around inspecting it. She disapears in the back and returns with mangos and starts pealing them and offers the slices to me. We munch our mangos and I remember I have candies I brought from the US in my bag and I dig out them out and share them around. We.re all sitting around these tiny plastic chairs chatting watching as the road gets busier with the waking morning. I finally decide it’s time to move on and say good bye to my new friends and head out to rendezvous with Danny Boy and the next adventure – Hanoi by moto.
About half way through the day I sort of realize the stupidity of climbing on the back of this moto. Maybe it was the intersections of 100’s of motos trying to get through the same light from 4 different directions. Add in the pedestrians somehow walking through the myrad of vehicles without batting an eye. So many opportunities for injury. we made a few stops at the larger sights, took a coffee (OMG SO GOOD!) walked around a gorgeous lake, got lost, got lost some more, criss crossed and asked for directions from three different people
(all of which gave us the wrong direction and all different).. my ass was numb and aching as we finally found the big lake and starting making our way around the edge of it as it started to rain. It’s warm out an the rain and breeze is welcome. We find a place at stop for beer. He smokes his ciggies and we talk about his plans for staying two years in Hanoi/Vietnam. He’s just arrived (3 weeks in) and is as kind as pie. Im guessing he was raised catholic and has mentioned his family a lot. I know he’s young.. and I hope that my being older doesn’t make this awkward. I try not to mention things that reference my 20’s or mention my other lifetimes. Not that it matters, he is being friendly, but not pushy or hitting on me. but, it’s not like a guy jus offers to take a girl around just for funsys. There is always the unasked question in the air of “could there be more?” and of course only if there is chemistry. More than anything it’s about the camradery, and seeing each other as the same or equal — and being older brakes that spell.
We stop for bananas, we stop for pho bo, we stop for double dragons at the top of the lake. We start to make our way back and the sun is setting and rush hour is beginning. The roads are slick now and we see a few turned over motos as the traffic backs up. I stopped watching where we are going because I would just react to what I saw and it just added to the stress in sure he was already feeling. We try to find the old quarter and ended up in the largest intersection instead. Literally a couple hundred motos crossing all at once. I don’t think I stopped say “omgomgomgomgomg” the entire way through which felt like an eternity. I got back to my hostel and we both exhaustedly agreed to a beer later and I passed out on my bed for an hour. More hostel friendliness and I meet up and grab dinner and beers with Danny boy. I slipped up and he asked the question.. I laughed and tried to blow it off.. But there was no way. Even hearing the words come out of my mouth I realize that I no longer belong in this window/phase of life that I’m currently am in. Except that I am and I don’t know what to do with it but embrace it. He responds as I suspected he would.. Shocked and said ” I thought you were 24! Like, my age! I didn’t realize you were so old!!”. I wince and half joking saying “hey now ..” with a laugh trying to recover. He try’s to take it back and throws a couple different things like ” I mean THAT age”.. It’s ok. My ego or feelings are already bruised.
I laugh with the comedy of it but I feel the rejection/judgement of it none the less.
