I am continued to be blown away at my luck. I missed my bus this morning to go to Burgogne and ended up having to take a train instead. I was not the only person who missed it and it turns out this person is also a photographer. Jerriod just moved here from Chicago to become a photojournalist… he story is amazing. Why am I here… so many great people doing great things and yet I am willing to settle in Sacramento with an apartment and that be my world. The world is so much bigger and broader and I cannot believe that I am here and meeting these people and seeing this places and things and eating food. I want to jump and scream and cry and wonder why I am experiencing these things. To experience them makes me want more. I can settle for no less now. Why why why…! Am I meant for these things? Or am I to be tortured with their memories forever.
I love people. I want to be like these people I meet. So warm and generous. I feel like a selfish bumbling fool most of the time. I have to remind myself to not experience my world inwardly, but outwardly. So people know that I appreciate them instead of me assuming that they know I do. Be genuine. Be kind. Be yourself. Do not live out of fear. Fear was ingrained in me at such a young age. I have to fight it with every breath I take. It makes me sad to think of those who still live in it and don’t know they do.
Just now as I type this the man on the train next to me had a tiny spider crawl across his paper. My instant reaction was to smash it. He let it crawl on his hand and he reached up and placed it on the curtain. Again.. fear reacted for me. But not him. GAH.
Last nights show was fantastic. I am always blown away by ones ability to perform on stage in front of people and also have the talent to make it worth everyones time. Elle was perfect and just as I expected. The heavy blew my mind. So soo amazing. After the show was over I was able to meet Elle and she invited me to hang out with them backstage. It was GREAT. I drank wine, jager, beer, smoked hash and tabocco. I quite literally partied like a rock star. I laugh when I think of the ability to make a small decision that effects the course of everything else. Oui, c’est la vie. When I got home my flat mates were having a party. I met their French friends and proceeded to drink more. Ugh. I’m feeling it now on this long bumpy train ride. Haha…
