Seriously.
I am trying to not freak out.
Trying to trust.
Believe the words I hear. Praying that they are honest and sincere.
It’s easy to believe and think that they are just lines. I’ve heard it all before.
I want to believe that he is different. It feels different.
I believe him. all nine toes are in. It’s that one percent that has to say.. “yes, but…. You’ve been down this road before”.
Honesty. It’s a gorgeous beautiful thing.
Dreaming. This is me.
Free. Free to love again. Free to try it on for size. Free to open myself up to it. I will not live out of fear. Or not live because of fear.
No. You will not win.
I will say yes to life. Even though it is terrifying. Even though I can get burned. Even though, I probably will walk away from this with another broken heart. Today it brings me smiles. Lifts me up on wings I feel like I’m walking on air. Even though I want to sabotage it and say.. “I am not all these things that you think I am. I am not fearless and confident. But I choose to be despite the fact that the contrary exists!” Every day I have to tell those things to shut the fuck up. If I dare to dream.. If I dare to say “this is what I want”.. Then things are headed in the right direction.
My heart. It is hugged so fully. Who knew a year ago when I was feeling so empty broken and heavy that 365 days later it would feel so full and light! LIGHT. In a way that makes me want to through my hands in the air and put my face to the sun and say “kiss me and take me away”.
“You have already said it: you are just you, and that is exactly what I saw the first day, and what I’m seeing today. A silly girl that just wants to be her, with big dreams and willing to fight for them, a silly girl with a lovely face, lovely smile, with an open mind, and big eyes, ready to see what world can bring you. And I love that. I love to see a silly girl that is looking for her own dreams. A silly girl that is happy just bein herself. Not anybody else. I saw that. and I love it. I don’t really know you. But you have made me smile more than I could even imagine a few weeks ago.” “I dont even know or understand what is going on, what I want and what is going to be and mean… I wish you were here… Thank you Sarah, for being just YOU.”
I take it for what it is. I’m grateful.
Besos.
