Royal mile shopping, whiskey shops, overpriced cashmere. It’s Thursday in Edinburgh and the day is clear and crisp. We bundled up extra and decided to check out all the cute local shops. After thoroughly exhausting our bank accounts we found the Jolly Judge in Close near the royal mile and just around the corner from our hostel for some beers and then Fiddlers Arm pub in Grassmarket and snuggled in for some beer, cider and deep fried Scottish appetizers. Haggis, and other oddities were as expected. We are traveling with two others and they have been great fun. We grabbed some snacks and headed back to the hostel for some drunken cards against humanity. At about 1am we ran out in our pjs for a “quick shot” from the pub next door only to find out it was closed.. Before we knew it we had walked 4 blocks in search of an open pub and ended up in a hard rock/screamo club dancing and head banging with a neon sign above our heads that said “opium fucking rocks”. After we had our fill we stumbled back our our hostel were we played pool until 5am.

I guess I was really upset (drunk) that I didn’t kiss a Scottish boy last night.
I guess on our way back to the hotel Angie starting yelling “she needs to kiss a Scottish guy!!”
And some guy in a kilt walked up, grabbed my face and kissed me.
But I don’t remember!!
Haha

The first step is terrifying because the future is so ambiguous. Then it becomes addicting as the adrenaline from the new experiences titillate. You hunger for more, hence the terrible sickness of wanderlust of which I wish on everyone.

Woke up late after arriving in Paris at too late of a time to take the Metro.  A taxi from Orly cost me 40 euros.   Annso had the day off of work and I asked her if I could treat her to lunch at Laduree for Christmas.  She leaves tomorrow morning to head to Britanni and I will be staying in her place while she is gone and until I leave for Ireland.   We had a Prix Fixe  meal – I had foie gras that had a blood orange sauce on the side as well as half a chocolate macaron and orange bread. The second course was a cronut filled with mushroom pate then they spooned a sauted chicken mushroom type of marsala over the top of it.  I also had The Cherie –  everything was amazing.  Together between the two of us our bill was 110 euros..  and oh so worth it.  The rest of the evening was quite chill.  TV, catching up on emails and facebook.

Now its Christmas eve in Paris.  I spent the morning with a bubble bath and an espresso.    I managed to go grocery shopping as well and picked up a few gifts for the people I will be seeing tonight and tomorrow.  The weather is quite stormy and miserable, so my original plan to go to La Defense was abandoned.    I’m all packed now for an evening at Bretsy’s.  I will attempt to take the Metro with all of my goodies.

I received an email last night from Juan with the cheesiest most hilarious and sweet gesture.  It makes me giggle and when I showed it to Annso she said “you find the weirdest guys, Sarah Dawson.”

I guess I do and..  well, I like weird. ;)

Finally a moment to write.  It’s Sunday evening and I’m waiting for my flight to Paris.  Two weeks have flown by and I can now say that I have “experienced” Spain.  Today consisted of sleeping in, packing, lunch by myself at Bar Europa. A copa tinto vino with some jamon Croquettas as well as a pork loin sandwich that was delicious.

Yesterday – waking up hungover.  I’d only slept at best at hour or two.  The night before  was…… so great.  Sometimes I do things for the experience of know what it is like. And, so far, it was easier than I thought and better than I could have hoped. -Random bars with Janna’s school friends..  pizza, kebabs, mas y mas cerveca, mas tequila, just mas. Haha..  So we were all feeling it pretty bad Saturday.  The whole lot had lunch together then we split ways.  Half of us were still around for one more night so we made plans for a more traditional evening.  We met at the “bridge bar” and then walked to a traditional restaurant for dinner. I had Jamon – just jamon because that is what you do.  We had heard of a place that has Flamenquita – like folk dancing – at a place in the Triana.  It was AMAZING.  Spanish guitar and singing, woman dancing these orchestrated line dances together.  I was able to catch on a little bit by the end.  So beautiful.  A lot of hand movements and the general attitude of the place was so jovial.  It was the perfect end to my trip in Spain.  I feel like I have gotten the real/genuine idea of who what how etc that is the Spanish culture.  And I love it.  — ooop! the flight is leaving.  I’ll write more later. ::mwah::

Oh comedy.

I just found myself in the middle of the most entertaining of situations.

After a couple hours of exploring Seville I happened upon a bar that looked calm, traditional (non touristy) and inviting. It’s 4pm and my stomache is hungry. I had chosen it after passing many many bars that were packed and buzzing with the sound of triumph and celebration that is was Friday and the holiday week is here. I exchanged a few words with the gal behind the counter then picked the side of the bar that was cozier lending to my comfort level since I am solo.

Literally the same moment I sit down 15 Spanish men, work colleagues, walk through the door immediately filling my preselected cozy nook with their Spanish chatter. Before I know it, a particularly homely, balding, overweight man with glasses asks to share my table since they are so many. I smile and say if
“Of course, but I do not speak Spanish, so sorry.” He is kind and does his best to speak English with me which only matches my ability in Spanish – very very limited. We at best exchange friendly smiles.

It’s hard to describe the immediate intensity that these men are able to exude with their mere presence. I cannot help but be overwhelmed. They are trying to speak to me but I can only say, “lo siento, no habla espanol”.

Before I even realize it they have told me what I should order, have given me a glass of red wine and are quite literally feeding me jamon freshly carved from the leg of the calf that sits in the counter.

I’m laughing. Mostly because I don’t know what else to do. And of course, because it is hilarious.

They invite me to come along as they head off to the next bar. With a smile I decline and say “Mucho gusto”.

As quickly as they arrived, it is quiet again in my little nook. The girl behind the counter gives me a raised eye brow as if to say ” well that was something, no?” I laugh shake my head and then say, “Si, yo puede tiener cafe con leche Por favor”.

I took my lunch to my terraza to enjoy the 66 degree weather, some sunshine and the view of the rooftops and church spires. I find my neighbor is on his roof casually practicing his Spanish guitar had the same idea in mind. The soft melody is almost a whisper thus completing this sensory experience. Hello Monday.

I hopped a plane Friday afternoon to Paris as I had a proposal/engagement session waiting for me Saturday afternoon.  I crashed at Bretsy’s place and it was oh so lovely to catch up with them.  Betsy called me on my non-commital attitude.  I wanted to resist and tell her I was wrong.  but she was right.  I need to commit.  I need to focus and lock myself down and make a plan and do everything possible to execute it.  It was hard to hear but  I was grateful for the honesty.  After my photoshoot we celebrated with other frenchies and expats with an ugly sweater party.  I fell to sleep around 3 and had to get up again to catch my plane back to Spain at 7am.  I was still tipsy by the time my feet touched the ground in Spain around noon.  Today has been a slow comfy day of recovery and reading.  I so have missed reading.  I’ve already finished Divergent that I started Friday on the plane to Paris.  It’s time for dinner and Janna and I are going to grab some tapas and hopefully Sangria here in Seville. More later.. xoxo

I’m sitting in row 3 seat A in coach 10 to Seville San Justa.  I’ll arrive after 10pm and probably take a taxi to the apartment where I will finally arrive in the apartment I have paid for.  I will only be here 10 days now as opposed to the 5 weeks I was originally intended to have.  But, that is life, is it not?  It never goes as planned, but intentions are enough and fate/destiny/god’s will takes over.

It’s amazing to see what is Spanish culture, human culture, European culture and compare it all to the different places I have been.  A lot of the things I LOVE about Paris are here. In Madrid. Who knew?  The city, archicture, café life, mode of transportation.  People are friendlier here.  In every way.  Paris is still special. Still unique. Still paris.  But.. wow. Spain you have taken me by surprise.

I am glad to have had time here post FF.  I can see him for what he really is and not just a Spaniard.  And well..  I’m disappointed.  All the things I loved were Spanish.  Not him.  Ok, maybe a little him.  Spending time with Juan was so great. He too, is not what I expected.   I …  don’t even know what to say.  If I was moving here maybe.  But I really do not want to do long distance again.  So I am resisting.  And enjoying it for what it is. But that is so hard to do.  And, I feel like I have already broken his heart.  But he is coming to Sevilla this weekend to see me. So..   until then. :)

The moment I knew I loved Spain…  When I was sitting in a park listening to live music on Sunday morning.  This, you will not find in France. At least not by French people anyway.  This was a people who were real. And I love it.

Today I woke up late after another bout with jet lag.  I woke up and packed the rest of my things.  Juan told me to go to Taberna La Daniela and have Cocido Madrileno.  It reminded me of corn beef and cabbage that my grandmother makes for St Patty’s day.  It started off with a broth soup and with what looked like spaghetti noodles.  The next course is boiled veggies – carrots, cabbage, potatoes and chickpeas with and an assortment of boiled meats.  Fish, pork, beef, chicken and bone marrow.  It was enough to feed probably 4 people.  I also had a beer and finished it off with a café con leche. The waiter brought me over a sweet dulce liquor for aperitivo.  Esta perfecto.

I then walked through Retiro again because the sun was out and I know the fall leave will not be there next time I return.   It is just gorgeous.  I had a beer at the top of Palacio de Cebeles – the same block I was dropped off at via the bus when I first arrived.  I watched the sunset behind the Metropoli building and then hoofed it back to my apartment where Juan was meeting me to take me to the train station.   We had another beer in the same bar we had been in the day before.  The waitresses recognized us and we all had a laugh.  It was my turn to catch the train and we said our good byes.  I gave him the hand written thank you card on my stationary.  It was like I gave him a billion dollars.  Another kiss good bye.. ok, maybe 5 or 6. :)

Processing –

What I had with FF was real.  We were smitten and enchanted by each other. Perhaps not the same reasons, at the same time. Isn’t that always how it is though?  When I said good bye in July it was over.  It just took awhile..  It’s so easy (and so much harder) when it is the idea of someone.. and not really someone in the flesh..  I do know one thing though.  I like the assholes. UGH.  I respond to how they treat me badly.  I become needy and desperate and willing to overlook so much.  I don’t want to be this way anymore.  I want to be in a kind levelheaded loving relationship. Where I am me. Where I am free and can hold my head high and not be sad and needy.  Please, please let it be…