Archive for 'musings'

December 9, 2013

From Chloe- “Read this quote tonight that was written about you: throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country. – Anais Nin”

I can only hope.

Day 3 in Madrid and things didn’t go as planned at first. I didn’t sleep (again) because of jet lag. The trains were sold out and so I decided to stay another day. It all worked out though. I met Juan for lunch and we had Tortilla de Patatas which is a very traditional dish in Spain. I’m grateful for my time in Madrid and the experience of this culture. If gives me broader perspective to.. everything.  I could live here.    Like Paris, I like the way they live, mode of transportation, food, perspective of life and I just want to be a part of that for a while.  Maybe not forever, but I want to experience it as it if is my own and know what it is like for it to feel natural as if I had been here all along.

Today I will walk the city, camera in hand.

December 8, 2013

What a crazy day.

Yesterday – Jet lag. Naps that I need but shouldn’t take that I took.  Day of instructions from Juan that made for an effeciant lovely day. Walking the main road, visiting lovely, gorgeous architecture, Parque de Retiro, Palacio de Crystal, Reina Sofia Modern Art Museum. Discovering that spain speaks no english! HA! Beautiful christmas markets and super crowded streets. Discovering more artists – and being moved by their work, talent or vision.

Today – Jet lag – woke up at 4:30am. Brutal.  Fall back to sleep at 7:30am.. woke up at 10:30am…  bounced out of bed for my date with Juan.  He promised to show me the city, and I was absolutely game for this insiders tour of this gorgeous city.  We started with spanish breakfast..  – very similar to french breakfast – croissant (toasted, rolled in sugar and served with jam) orange juice and coffee.  The cafe owner gave me a menu to take home because he saw me taking a picture of the napkins. He was such a character.  I would love to photograph him.

We then walked all over… for almost twelve hours.  In his broken english he told me about everything.  We had tapas and wine, then more tapas and wine. I wasnt allowed to pay for anything.  We had dinner with his friends for a home cooked meal, jamon, huevos, rabbit, toasts with cheese, machango cheese.  So much yum. and of course, more wine. :)

We then walked all over again. a good night kiss. plans for lunch tomorrow before I leave.

Yes. it was a great day.

December 2, 2013

25 hours into driving across the US.  We’ve made it all the way through half of Texas.  Rotations between the three of us driving and sleeping made it possible to make great time.  We stopped here and there along the historic route of 66..  America is so weird.  Route 66 seems like it is inhabited by Zombies.      And I love it.    Sleepless “drunken” funnies..  Glorious.

We watched the sunrise over Alberqurque New Mexico from the top of a hill overlooking the whole town.  Magical.  I love these beazies.  I am grateful for bosom buddies such as these ladies..

A light snow covered the ground of the high sierras as we continued east.  Texas was a repetition of flat textures. Wheat, Hay and Cotton fields.   We stopped in Amarillo and then got stopped just outside Amarillo. Let off with a warning and California plates. Cadillac ranch completed our Texas experience and we continued to Arkansas.  We made it to Lafayette and visited and slept.  We drove through the gorgeous winter landscape of the Ozark mountains.  It took us 7 hours to drive 300 miles because of insane traffic caused by construction.  We were supposed to make it to Nashville for the night but ended up staying the night in Memphis instead.  We embraced the opportunity and hit Beale street hard.  Catfish sandwiches, gator chips and fried green tomatoes for dinner split three ways and live blues music.  Memphis is rich with history and we couldn’t help but visit Graceland and the location of MLK’s assassination.  Both were moving in their own ways.

I wish I had weeks to just drive and see what pops out to me to photograph.  I am tortured as we drive past things.  I don’t want to be obnoxious and make them stop as much as I would really love to.  I have to deal with my disappointment and fear of lost opportunities. Note to self:  Plan a trip for the Southwest, Monument valley, Grand Canyon, Zion, Antelope Canyons.

We’ve just arrived in Nashville – more to come!

November 26, 2013

Errands, sleeping, shooting, packing.  Getting there.  I look forward to a day where things are not chaotic and disconnected. Hope.

I spent the day with old family.  It was good.  It was hard.  Also necessary.  Another level of moving on.

November 25, 2013

Almost finished with projects from 2013. Amongst the crazy editing, late night shenanigans and slow mornings another week has flown by. Today I breathed. Enjoyed the fall colors, enjoyed the cooler weather, enjoyed coffee and conversations with friends. I delivered Christmas cookies to friends and did some shopping for my upcoming trip.

Honestly – I thought this whole dating thing would be easier.

Am I just hanging out with the wrong crowds? Looking in the wrong places? I thought meeting decent guys was easier than this.

Realization – my crazy life/schedule will only continue this way, for another year at minimum. I don’t have time for dating. Or a real relationship. Sigh.

Today’s victories: 3 signed weddings this week. One of which is for a French girl getting married in the south of France next fall. This is progress.

Someone saw my work at Broadacre and purchased a piece. Another person wants to host my show at their space next summer. Awesome!

Added Dublin to my itinerary for the winter. Another country down! That will be 6 new countries in the last 12 months. So stoked!

Friday morning I leave and drive across country to DC with two of my best friends. I love my life.

November 17, 2013

Re-adjusting, again.

Grateful for the flexibility.  I am not ready to jump a plane to Spain just yet.  I feel guilty for (unpurposefully) not hanging out with my family these last few weeks.  Work has consumed me.  I cant even remember the last time I worked this hard.  Grandma is not doing well. I want to spend one holiday with them this year.  Decision made.

I feel relief for myself.  I may just be prepared by the time I leave now.  I don’t like disappointing people.  I hate functioning out of guilt.  I also hate having the “fear of missing out”.

Say yes to life, but pace yourself.  I have found it easier to make decisions off of the reasoning of  “in retrospect, what will I regret more?”.  I find it very motivating.

 

November 14, 2013

My priorities in life have changed. Sleep is at the top of that list.  I just love sleep.  I find I am my best self when I get a proper amount of it.

5 days until I leave.  Moved out of my office yesterday.  Sold the remaining bits of my things.  I’ve gotten my projects down to 5.. amazing.  I sent my clients all a thank you gift.  It felt nice to do something like that.  I need to do more.

I have two days of shooting. Two days of editing, and one day for packing.  I can do this.

I’m prepared, but not.  I have no money.. but I know I can survive with what I have.  I am walking forward with not knowing where my steps lead me.  This is adventure.

Maybe it is my personality.  Maybe it is just the circumstances that I am living.  I want to be happier in this moment but a majority of what I feel is panic.  Ick.  I do not like my attitude.   I know that If I didn’t do this though I would be forever upset with myself.  SO…  here we go.  With a smile on my face and another day to tackle ferociously.

 

Actions speak louder than words. Actions are stronger than words.  What you are doing is more important than what you say you want to do.

 

Words collected recently:

“So fill your heart with what is important and be done with all the rest.”

Between the wish and the thing, the world lies waiting. – Cormac McCarthy

“It was the time of the year, the time of day, for a small insistent sadness to pass into the texture of things.  Dusk, silence, iron chill.  Something lonely to the bone.  – Don Delillo

 

November 9, 2013

The circumstances of my life are not boring or conventional.

Remember that one time I applied for my french visa and was denied? Remember that one time I met a delightful spanish man that I had a long distance summer romance with? Remember the time you sold everything you own so you could travel and move to france? No, not boring at all.

 

November 4, 2013

A year ago today I hopped a plane to Paris. I had signed up for an unknown adventure and I had only hopes that it would be restorative, freeing and a breathe of fresh air. What I experienced.. Was more so than I could have ever hoped for. My restoration didnt come until I was home though. I still had to work through everything. I had to face the pain, the memories and walk through them. Running away gave me strength to see beyond, but I had to walk through to create a new life. I’m in aw of my life and journey. Guided by what, who and how…. I don’t understand. But I am grateful. But now I lay here, prepping for my next adventure, even more unprepared, unaware and open to wherever and what may be. I never thought as my decision a year ago as brave as some have told me it was. I only saw it as necessary. And now……. I see this next step as… crazy. HA!!
Life only makes sense in retrospect. And well.. We shall see what nov 4th 2014 will have to say….

November 1, 2013
Sarah: She’s a dreamer, traveler and championne.  She’s also a photographer.  Prefers real moments. Genuine people, long life stories.
I want to know how you got to where you are..  and even more importantly, where you want to go.
I’m hungry for life.  I’ve known heartache.  I daily battle the things that terrify me… like, how I’m just like my mom. I sold everything I owned. Well, except my dog. But she really owns me.  I have done crazy things for love.  I’m afraid of heights and I jumped off of a cliff to to remind myself to not hold back in life.  I’ve got this deep desire to create.  I love “seeing” people.  As Cartier-Bresson said “The most difficult thing for me is a portrait. You have to try and put your camera between the skin of a person and his shirt.” and I want nothing less than to create in such a way. I think that every one is beautiful.  Wait, maybe you didn’t hear me. Everyone. is. beautiful.   I want to tell stories.  I want to be able to capture people for who they are.  My hope that is that they would feel peace, comfort and strength from that experience.