Last nights shenanigans are exactly the type of story I love.

Woke up late and met up with tells for her portrait session. We walked around the marais and also had lunch at place des Vosges.

In the evening we went to the Franco American meet up and had a piqué nique at Canal St Martin. I finally got to see Brian and Betsy and spent most of the time there chatting and catching up with them. I met more awesome people as well. When we returned to the flat Adrian and Eloi were having a party and of course we joined in. We didn’t go to bed until 6am…

Little to no sleep.  My body hates me. F you jet lag.

Em and I killed it..  Centre de pompidou, le marais, notre dame, Croque madame at Le Panis.  Glaces at Ilse Saint Louis, Latin Quartier, St. Sulpice. Makes me heart happy to visit these places again. It feels like a dream. That I experienced this places previously or that I’m really here again? I don’t know. Louvre, Palais garnier and galaries lafayette.

We had a quiet evening in and ate our purchased fromage et pain.  I had been feeling like I hadn’t prepared properly or that this was a waste of a trip. Wondering to myself if I really could “make it” here.  I opened my computer and I had an email for another engagement session in Paris.  Amazingly they booked and I know I will be able to more.  I’m hardly even trying!

God glory.. can this be true?

Productive! and Jetlag/hangover.  I was only able to sleep for 2 hours and then I had to be up for a skype meeting with clients in SF.

After breakfast Emily and I did a power walk through the 11th and headed to Bastille. We meandered around that area and I recalled an open air market that I had been to around Christmas time.  We found the same one and there was a farmers market happening as well and so we scooped up some goodies: comte, brie, basilic, peche, baguette, tomate, buerre and pommes!  The necessities of course!  Afterwards we headed to Merci cafe and I told emily the story of the french man.  hehe.. so fun. We had our Chevre toast and cafe cremes and then met up with my client for this week’s shoot.

We then met up with Lisa and Mark and took photos of them on Champs de Mars.  Then it was dinner on Rue Montegue with Sarah Poon and caught up on the last 8 months of our lives. Tre magnifique!

Today I woke up and the sun was just rising.  The view out my window is of the church steeple and building rooftop and the sun was peeking through the 5th floor window.

I slept for 6 hours. Not bad. I know I will feel it later today.. but oh well!

I am content this morning.  No swings today.  I feel stable. Not extremely happy, not extremely sad.  It’s nice to feel normal and not feel an underlying level of pain and sadness.  I think those times are gone. (thankfully.)

I sent off some post cards that I made for friends and family and collecting emily from the aiport. It is fun to see Paris through someone elses fresh eyes!

Woke up late. Threw on make up and took a cab over to the 9th for dinner with AnnSo, Alex, Emily, Lisa and Mark.  It was a great dinner and great company. Tres magnifique!

3^rd times the charm

Enchante.

No waiting this time.. no dramatic calculations.  I was called by the time I reached the gate.  I even got bumped up to business class.  The flight attendants welcomed me with a complimentary water bottle and later with a glass of champagne.  Delightful and sweet!

The reality hit me soon after that I was really going and I could hardly keep the tears back.  Notes from Frankie didn’t help.

He get’s it. What it is for me to be living this.  To be chasing this.  I don’t want to second guess it. Just be grateful at face value.  Truth and purity purges out things that don’t belong. My goal is to be me.  Things will fall as they will.

This restless gypsy will find her home eventually.

“Leave room in your heart for the unimaginable”

Home home home.  I think of what the next few months could warrant and I want nothing else but to try and make it be.

Connect, work hard, be of value.

“share that smile..”..

Here’goes!

Finally finished packing and threw my luggage in the car.  Picked up sister and headed to SFO.  2 hours later, I’m through security and at my gate. I’m #15 on the waiting list but I’m feeling optimistic.  I go have a bit to eat and a beer to calm my adreniline.  I head back to the gate and something is wrong.  A flight was canceled to chicago and now all those people are on this plane. Shit.

I held out hope to the end. No go today.

Sunday is my next bet.

Boo.

I already said my good byes.  What am I going to do with myself for 3 days. ughhhh….

I waited for my luggage only to find out it would be another 3 hours.  Screw this.  I texted Esther and Lisa. I’m going to leave my luggage here and try again tomorrow. I’ll stay in SF for the night so I don’t have to do the drive again.

I go to Esther’s and just mentally checked out. Restless beast rears his head and I have to walk.  I grab my laptop and head down davisidero to look for that hipster coffee placed I had spotted before.  Turns out there is an art walk tonight and everyone around me is in the spirit.  I stop by a shop I love and they have freebies and tecate for everyone.  I’m feeling it now too and I buy myself some bi-rite sundae that rocked my world.  I’m still itching to find a place for me and my laptop so I grab some sustanance to go and head back to the house.  Esther pops in soon enough and we are drinking wine, eating my purchased goodies and giggling the night away.

Soo much better.

I go to bed ready to try again, but also content with whatever may happen.

Nerves nerves nerves.  Repacking again but it wont make the clock tick any faster.

Are you the heroine or victim in your life?

Grateful for conversations with friends.  Perspective is everything.

Chicken fajitas made by sister and mom. Two pans because we don’t have one big enough to fit food for everyone. Dinner in shifts because the table only fits 6.  Conversations dominated by whoever can talk the loudest, has the most controversial or dramatic story.  Those that have labored the day mentally veg out.

This is family. Love it, hate it. Can’t change a thing.  I wonder which ones will wake up and see what I see. Maybe they never will.  We all have our good/bad elements. Take it for what it is. It could always be worse.

Lovely earrings from dad as well as the cake I requested specially made. This is family. Warms my heart.

I am grateful in ways I wasn’t ever before.

Paris part two is around the corner.
I’ve already had my meltdown, done my last minute shopping, hated all the clothing I own and repacked my suitcase three times.

I’m ready as I’ll ever be.

Just arrive, engage and smile.

I am not afraid, I was born for this.

Home.

dreams and whimsy or insecurities and hormones? Good god.

Whatever. This is my place to vent. (Hello cheap therapy!)

But to make sure this doesnt turn into a bitch session, I will mention the smiles of the day.

Good News:

past clients will be in Paris at the same time as myself = more couples for my portfolio  . sweet.

possible job opportunity in London/Cambridge  .sweet.

finished another job, ahead of schedule.

I have lovely, truth speaking, supportive friends who genuinely love and care for me.  My life is rich.

I now have a community of beautiful, creative and delightful people that work and live in Sacramento.

I have kind, sweet, hard working, well meaning parents who support me and are there for me in their fullest capacity.  I am so grateful.

This year I have had the freedom to choose clients that I really love to work with.  I have also had the freedom in my schedule to breath, travel and live life.  I am so grateful.

I have a plane ticket to Paris, with friends that live there waiting to welcome me.  A dream come true.

I am making progress. Even if it is slow, even if I’m unsure of the direction.  My business has not failed.  I will make it through.  My destination is unsure, but every day I put one foot in front of the other.  Sometimes I’m running, sometimes I have to walk. But this is progress.

You’ve accomplished much Sarah.  You will make it through.

It’s ok to mourn the loss. Your home, your old life, your old love.  But stop looking back. Time to face the future. Make new plans. Build a new home, create a new life and find a new love.

Make good decisions. Take care of yourself. Love those around you. Be kind. but most of all, be free.