I love flying.

Watching the world whisk away beneath me. Everything miniature. A new perspective on life. The literal bigger picture..

Currently flying over middle America. Flying to see the Spaniard for the fourth of July. I can’t help but feel this is different. But good glory… where will I be a year from now? Haha.. oh how things change so quickly. It’s weird to think of such things and my immediate reaction is that I will be in a sad dark place. Maybe that because I feel that is all I deserve. Maybe it feels like that is what is next. I’m too happy… literally.. walking around the airports today with a stupid grin on my face. STUPID. Haha…..

Middle America’s sunset reminds me of cotton candy.. bright pink, purple.. the fluffy parts darken where the bites have been taken from adding texture to the otherwise bliss of repetitive texture.

2am packing – check
panic attack/anxiety breakdown – check
It wouldn’t be a trip to NYC without the above.

Maybe It’s because NYC always ends up being epic. It has always been a terrifying city for me. and yet again, this time will be oh so different. I can hardly contain myself.

Fear, here I come. I’m not running away. I’m diving in.

I’m afraid of good things happening to me. Good man, good love, good life. Delightful adventures, amazing experiences. I feel like I don’t deserve them. My life is too amazing. Someone make it stop before the universe corrects itself and I come crashing crashing to bits.
But who wants a safe life? Not me. I’ve tossed it all away. Give me the tight rope. I want the challenge, the thrill and the victory of making it to the other side.

“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.”

Be safe, be happy, be free. xoxo

Oh what a year can do.

Time space experiences. A year ago today I bought myself my Tiffany’s ring. I was in NYC for my first time ever and my life would never be the same.

So many things since then.. So many more laughs and tears. More drunken mistakes.. More drunken fun. A big known world and yet so much more world to be discovered. No regrets. Not a one. Live, breath, love. Be kind.

Tomorrow I hop a plane to NYC for the 4th time. No work, just play. So much play. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

You’d think I was getting married with the amount of pampering I have been doing lately. airbursh tan, mani/pedi, facials, kickboxing/yoga/running, detox diet, waxing, hair cut and color, teeth whitening and eating fruits and veggies all day everyday. What we girls do to embrace our most genuine self! ha!

I got through another pms breakdown without going bat shit crazy on Frankie and everything. I did my best not letting my anxiety and hormones get the best of me. Good glory!! Almost didn’t survive there. Texts from him today with a 9 hour time difference with no connection were like candy. Five days until I get to see. that. smile. :gah:

Getting shit done feels great. Albums ordered, gallery show prep underway, headway in branding/logo and website. GLOREHH.

July is going to be brutal. I can do this. ICANDOTHIS.

I feel that I am passing up opportunities that should be jumped on. Roomies with friends in NYC dont’ just open up all the time. AH.. I hope everything works out in the end!

Opposite side of the globe texts that say this is more than just silliness and smiles. More than just fun and laughs. It has intent, it has depth. Stop being a scaredee cat. Time to let someone in. Which means.. showing more layers Sarah.. gotta let him in if its going to last.

Snippets of a culture that I’ve never met.
It looks amazing.

Dreaming of the possibilities that I have yet to imagine.

Sueno.

I’m finally at a place again I can think of others. How much I love being able to love those around me. Half of my week has been errands and favors for those I love. Scheduling dates and coffee and movies with family. This is what real life is. People. There will always be work to do and other things to be doing to be busy. Give me people.

9 days until the Hamptons. The last 2.5 weeks has put be in an awkward place. Feeling pushed away. Trying to hold on. Anxiety getting the best of me. hormones kicking in. Happened across the photos from SF today. looking through them reminded me of what it was in person. undeniable. surprising. To not know someone, and yet to feel that way. I don’t know what it is.. but I want more. It’s the craziest thing. I hope it is still that when I arrive in 9 days.

I really don’t think it’s possible to learn two different languages at the same time.

I’m I splitting myself In half in other ways too? Too many directions, not very productive.
Running, yoga, eating healthy, trying new places, guitar, Spanish, French.. Photography, art, business! People!! judy.. traveling. a lil bit of everything. Too many things. Too many things?

Dreamy lovey goodness. How did I survive last year?! I am so glad I didn’t give up and quit. So glad that I am no longer bitter and broken. So glad I am open to dreamy whimsy love again.

Musings: love isnt logical. Nor is there a moment where things line up perfectly and make sense. It is the opposite of logic and science. It breaks all the rules and challenges the status quo. It takes our box of rules and dumps it out with joyous triumph. Stop trying to live a life of love that fits in your box. It is not meant to be tamed in such a way.

:ilalamemejoiedevivrequamoi:

Saying good bye to my sactuary today. It has been blissful. Back to the ‘rents and not sleeping and feeling discombobulated. I feel so productive this week. Great meetings, running, yoga, editing, headway with branding/website. Yes.. its a good week.
Long vm’s and sweet simple text messages sooth my anxiety. Oh relationships.. you will be the death of my nervous system.

Busy weekend ahead. Not complaining. I am best when I have billions of projects at once.

¡salud!

Blown away.

I finally pulling my head out of the depths of my despair i’ve been through these last 2 years and really seen the visual effects of everything I have been through. I went through my blog posts from the beginning to present day.. and one thing is for sure.. I completely lost my stride for the last 20 months. I was blogging consistently and then boom, literally nothing for 6 months. mother fucker.
Good news is my imagery is stronger.
blah.

How do i make up for lost time.. the long term effects are what? Get it going Sarah, get it going.

Officially sold the rest of my belongings yesterday. Officially a gypsy.
The spaniard called me his girl. And talked about me to his family.
I am officially making plans to leave.
I spent the morning puking after drinking last night.

“so much of this life is lived in between. between the now and the not yet, between arriving and departing, between growing up and growing old, between questions and answers. lord help us not live for the distant day when the in-between will be no more, but help us to have the courage to step into this sacred peace of the in-between – knowing that is a place where life is transformed.