Hold up. Perspective adjustment made.
SARAH: There is an adorable, sexy spanish man sending you besos from manhattan.
Go ahead and die now.

I love my life.

Disappointment. I hate you.

I felt it leaking out as he uttered the words.. “flights are $800”. I also felt my hopes dashed of what could have possibly “been”. Why do I get wrapped up so easily. Smitten so fully and involve my emotions so quickly? I guess I have to harden myself, or be calloused eventually that I will be void of feelings to be able to function in these moments… or better yet, just date.

So bummed. I really liked him.

Yes, you.

We are not friends. What we had is over. It is a memory. Friends do not treat each other the way you did, do and continue to treat me. You are selfish. Stop being a whore with your mouth. Karma is a biatch. Live your fucking life and let me live mine.

I sold half of my belongings at a yard sale yesterday. I felt great to purge and say good bye to things that hold too many memories. It is time for what is new. What is next.

I did an engagement session in Sacramento and then ran over to run the electic run with Chantal and Junshien. It was such a fun race and felt so great physically display freedom movement and life.

The night ended with champagne with my favorites. <3 Sante - to what is next.

Six months ago I finally handed over all my hope and the rest of what was left of my heart. What I thought was to be, what I had invested in, poured myself into and clung to was no longer. The last six months have been a weird purgatory of middle land.. Freedom to move forward, to breathe.. But still choking on the sobs of what was. Stumbling through the labyrinth of what was , along with the emotions. So brutal.

Tomorrow I start fresh. Not over.. Because you can’t move back in time.
Tomorrow is new me, new options, new love, new life. Redemption, renewal. I am alive. I am happy. I am free.

Just translated the word smitten to spanish and kept coming up with words that related to being injured. I was frustrated because that is not what I was looking for to convey.. but when I stopped to think about it, that is exactly what it is to BE.

smitten past participle of smite (Verb)
Verb

Strike with a firm blow.
Defeat or conquer (a people or land).

Mon couer. Mi corazon. My heart.

Week of all weeks. I needed this.

Under da goom tree published my paris photo essay. Got to the office today and saw it. GORGEOUS.

Found out Vanity Fair is going to publish one of my fashion shots in the next issue.

Spaniard is melting my heart. Sweet sweet goodness.

Received TWO.. TWO!! Inqueries for Paris engagent sessions. FUUUUUUUcckkkkkkkk yes. I googled Paris engaemettt session and found I was on the first page.

:pureglee::

Again, NYC again, you have blown me away.

Late night dancing, coffee dates, brunch dates, seafood dates, shopping, walking, smiles, jazz bands at speakeasy in china town. You have treated me well, given me a taste of the life, and made sure it was nothing less than epic.

29 going on 24. Giggling with the girls until all hours of the night. It just fit.
my adorable Spanish bald banker.
Brooklyn – a closed chapter. But a good one.
Manhattan – a different monster, but has my heart.
Brooklyn Bridge – a symbol of what is next.. So meet me in the middle.

Took a cab from carrol gardens across the Brooklyn bridge. The fare was 12 dollars. I walked down Bowery to the Doyer street. All I saw was Chinese food restaurants. I saw a line of hipsters and knew I was in the right place. I texted Frankie and told him I was there. He said he was on his way and that I should go inside and order a Dr. Ruth. The place was vintage apothecary styled. Apotheke is the name of the place.. although there is no sign out front.
Dr. Ruth was crushed strawberries, vodka, rosemary and champagne. A little heavy from my normal go to, but delicious.

The place was dimly lit and the band hadn’t started yet. I felt great in my newly purchase uniglo dress for $40 and Zara heels $50. I felt uber classy.

He found me at the bar and I wasn’t nervous at all. We ordered another drink and found a place to sit down and listen to the music. It was a 7 piece jazz band and they were tearing it up. We found the dance floor soon after and stayed there for the next 3 hours dancing and laughing. At one point we were dancing on tables and I look over and see Chelsea handler next to me. Right? The band was done and so were we. We found a bagel place in the east village and chatted the night away.

Delightful.

All of a sudden I dont have the energy to write.
Blah.

I bought a smokin hawt dress today from Zara. Shouldnt, but couldn’t resist. haha.. I’m in love with a pair of heels they had there, but I have to order them online! booo!

I had lunch with the lovely Chloe today and visited her workspace at refinery 29. Delightful work atmosphere and such a fun topic to be involved in. She is soo in her element and really loves her job. I’m so happy for her and hope that it continues to be an amzing thing.

I ate a most delicious burger for lunch and then shared a yummy dinner with the girls back at their place. Even though it was 45 degrees out we ran down the block to Van Leeuwans for ice cream. derish.

Otherwise it was a seemingly mild day or wandering the city. Recognizing areas from my previous trips and remembering what it was like then vs now. I love that these memories show the miles stones of my life and the experiences I gone through.

I arrived last night in a personal car and met Chloe at her cute place in Carrol Gardens. We ate the most amazing couscous for dinner and I told her stories of Paris and the last few months. It is interesting to see oneself through other peoples eyes. I supposed my life has been pretty cool/crazy. I needed that reminder.

I woke this morning after 12 hours of glorious sleep. I went on a three mile run along the Brooklyn waterfront and view the downtown part of NYC. Such an incredible view. NYC’s skyline is extremely impressive. Never fails to make me feel small and show that there is so much going on in life and that I only play one part. It was so cold out at and windy that at one point I literally had to stop and catch my breath.

I met up with DCO at his studio and then we went over to a recording studio in Harlem and photographed a dj/producer for Billboard magazine. It was so great to experience a shoot behind the scenes and see how light is used and manipulated in different situations and what equipment to use and how. Afterwards we grabbed dinner and gabbed about the industry. It was a good first day. Nothing going on tomorrow. I think I will gather my computer and go and work from a french cafe I saw not far from here. A little bit if emails and editing and then off to do a little shopping and picture taking of the city. :)

Peace.